It is official!! I have a roof over my head in Denver! It’s a cute little studio in a wonderful part of town and only like 7min from work; I could not be more thrilled! Hours and hours and hours of searching endless apartments complexes. Hearing over and over ‘we have nothing available’ or ‘ohhh…that doesn’t work for us’ (yes someone told me that I don’t work for them…umm what?). There is finally something!! I am so so happy. It feels real. It feels like I am really moving to Denver. That is so exciting it is kind of scary. I am starting this whole new journey in my life and I have no idea how it’s going to end but I can’t wait to find out. I’m going to be close to so many new friends I have made, but farther away from some I hold so dear to my heart.
To many feels, almost too much to handle! What do I do now?
Fitting in my music theme from a couple of days ago…
Linkin Park - In the End
The first funeral I ever attended was a boy I went to school with. We were in 7th grade. He was just an acquaintance, our last names were close in the alphabet and because it was middle school, we always were seated next to each other at the beginning of the year. His locker was next to mine too.
I don’t remember exactly what happened that day. Something happened in gym class, completely unrelated to the activity. I think he had a previous condition, something in his brain if I recall, and he passed away. They played this song at his funeral. I’ve since been through my grandfather’s death and two great-grandmothers, but have yet to go through anything as sad as that funeral. Especially when this started playing.
I will never ever forget that day. And will never turn this song off.
Zac Brown Band - Natural Disaster
Someone very special to me sang this to me the other day. This song has all new meaning now.
"The other side could end your life or steal your breath away"
Music - and how could it not? There are a few things that I know I can turn to if I need a pick me up or a reminder of myself; my best friend, any of my friends really, and music.
I love to listen, I love to play and I love to sing and all types too. Country, pop, ballad, jazz, classical…all of it. So many feelings, emotions, memories; I love it.
Today is my day to remind myself of how brave I am, how brave I was and how strong I can be when I think of myself.
Now it’s your turn. What speaks to you? Believe me when I say I truly want to know. Could be anything in the world.
P.S. Prepare for youtube videos of inspirational or memory driven songs. Songs that speak to me; I hope they speak to you too.
Lady Antebellum - Compass
"You wanna give up cause it’s dark; we’re really not that far apart."
Maroon 5 - Love Somebody
Time for me to be honest; I miss my ex. He was my first everything and I was with him for a little over six years. I’ve never had to go through anything like this before. On top of that, he was one of my best friends before we started dating and I called him every single day for six years. This is unbelievably hard, and even that is kind of an understatement to what this feels like.
My friend always asks me what I miss about him. And honestly I don’t know. In the last few months of our relationship I never felt like he listened to me, cared about me or loved me for that matter. I think I just miss having someone who I knew, flat out, was suppose to be there for me. I don’t want to say required but, I felt like I should’ve been his number one priority most days. I miss having that person that was mine. Obviously that isn’t enough to sustain a relationship but….
It’s been almost three months since I broke up with him. I still remember. I remember our relationship. I remember the good days and the bad. The first of things, the better times and the times we spent together doing absolutely nothing. But when I remember it feels like a dream; it feels unreal.
Friday I am going to a concert at my high school. I have to say I am very nervous. There are so so many memories there of things that I don’t have any more. Friends I’ve lost contact with, a mentor that isn’t in my life anymore, and a boyfriend that I loved whole heartedly.
Someone very wise and very close to me talks all the time about owning your life, knowing that what happens to you is part of your story. You can’t run from it, you can’t ignore it, but you can own it as your own and take control of it. I need to own this. Six years is a long time; I truly loved him and I believe he truly loved me. I believe that I crushed him that night when I called him, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Now I have to own it.
Building 429 - Where I Belong
I’m not very religious, and I am still searching myself for my beliefs but when my friend gave me this song, well, I was brought to tears.
"All I know is I’m not home, this is not where I belong"
Sara Bareilles - Brave
The song that gave me the courage to stand-up for myself.
"Show me how big your brave is"
These guys?! Holy hell are they amazing!! I can’t even….this music just lifts your soul and brings so much emotion. Epically beautiful in every way.
If I ever couldn’t do theatre and I had to find a new passion in life, I would pick up my saxophone and start playing music again.